I Mourn You

 I mourn you.

In those small moments I wish we could share.

The sun on the water, the tiny child deeply concentrating as he scoots by, the seagull that photo bombs me, the toothless man who sits beside me for conversation, the things we would connect over and wonder at. 

I mourn you 

In the thought of you more than the actual doing.

The good morning darlings, the conversations with passing acquaintances when we are at the coffee shop, the learning a new language together, planning our next holiday.

I mourn you

In the empty spaces you would fill.

The pillows piled on that side of my bed, the person I would show that pretty shell, the body I would snuggle into, the days I would fill and desire shared, truths told, being seen. 

I mourn you

In all that you could be, but are yet, not.

The showing up for yourself and all that you want, in being honest to everyone including yourself, in loving yourself enough to see that I do too, in asking for what you want and settling for nothing less, in knowing yourself and understanding and taking action. 

In a thousand small ways I mourn you. 

KAB 

9/08/20